i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
