That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
