Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He passed out mid-signature
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
