Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
