I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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