dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
