I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
