Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize