So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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