remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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