First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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