did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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