we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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