I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
