I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
