They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
