He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize