You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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