She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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