Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
