I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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