i think i have herpe
just one?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
