Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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