I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
