I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
