She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
