Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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