i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my poor anus
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
