people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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