Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
