girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
