Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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