at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
