My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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