I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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