The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
