Cold hands, warm shart.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
