Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
