I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
