the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
