I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
