she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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