sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
