It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
