So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
