can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
