just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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