I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
