He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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