currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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