I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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