dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
