I want to make a zoo with you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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