there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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