our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
