i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
