SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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