That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
