I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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