At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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