i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
