meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
