i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
