oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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