im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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