I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
