Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
