my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
