you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
