Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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