You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
