the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
