I hate all girls vehemently.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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