I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
