i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
