Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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