dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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