i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
