Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
