is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
